Turning back the clock

This weekend in Canada, we are turning back the clock one hour.

How many of you wish that you could turn the clock back on your life, not just one hour but several years?  I know.   I can relate.  But a saner mind prevails and I know if I did turn the clock back, I would be robbing myself of the experiences which have made me a wiser person that I would have been without them.

Having had a few failed relationships, I learned not that men aren’t perfect (although Mama tried to tell me over 30 years ago that there were no good men, just some are better than others), but that I had to take responsibility for my own actions and my own emotions and beliefs.  In significant relationships, there are two individuals.  You are not responsible for changing the other person or for their actions, you are responsible only for your actions and for how you deal with what happens to you.

In hindsight, I also would have started saving earlier and not paid $1,200 in rent over 16 years ago.  That could have been a pretty hefty mortgage payment.  Moreover, I would not have been so generous with my money, carrying the lion’s share of household expenses, when I was married to someone who didn’t appreciate me or what I was doing, only to leave the marriage later without anything.  I had to leave to keep the one thing which was precious to me, my sanity.

Looking back on life, I can also see where I could have been a better parent.  I would have enjoyed my children more, rather than thinking of them as responsibilities.   I wish I could have equipped my children with better life skills and ensured they pursued a higher education.  I have come to accept that I did the best with what I knew then.  I can’t go back but what I can do now is to be a sounding board for them and to be there for them when they need me.

No matter what challenges I faced, there was always a gift in them. There is truly a gift in every challenge, although sometimes it is not readily apparent.  So, do I want to turn the clock back on my life? The answer is no. 

Would you turn the clock back on your life if you could?  What would you change?  Knowing that you can’t turn the clock back on your life, what will you do differently now?  Then, go do it.


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